Social Intercourse

'Do you like wanking?' my mother asks the bishop. I am startled. I have much to learn about ecclesiastical etiquette, but this does not seem a proper way to address a visiting prelate.

The bishop, however, is unperturbed. He tells my mother that he likes wanking very much and they embrace jovially by the chapel door.

I am relieved when I discover that he was reared in war-time Bristol. 'Wank', my mother has often explained to me, was a blameless word for a walk in the West Country dialect of her childhood. She only learned that this was a localised definition on her first day as a London career girl, when she told her new colleagues of the lengthy one that she'd enjoyed before work that morning.

My mother and the bishop are thrilled to share a lost verbal heritage and wank side by side all the way across the churchyard. And I follow at a safe distance and reflect on the unpredictable social adhesives that can bind strangers.

Comments

  1. Older Mum14 November 2011 at 14:51

    Brilliant !!!!! I have wanked a number of times.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mother on the edge!!14 November 2011 at 17:14

    love it!!!

    Wonder if we have time for a wank after lunch on Wednesday?????

    ReplyDelete
  3. Midlife Singlemum14 November 2011 at 19:52

    A wonderful picture painted with words - love it. And the commenting works fine now, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rhiannon (@The_Last_Slayer)14 November 2011 at 20:45

    Have to admit, I was afraid to read this post but was so glad I did! I wonder what other words are out there that have a different meaning in different dialects. If anyone knows of any, I'd love to hear.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous14 November 2011 at 21:10

    I'm disappointed. I was born and brought up in Bristol - yet I've managed to get through the last 28 years without hearing this phrase. I may go back to my home city this weekend and try it out on a few people. If I get a slap in the face I'll know who to blame...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mammasaurus14 November 2011 at 21:25

    You can't beat a good wank on a Sunday morning :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous14 November 2011 at 21:33

    I come from Bristol and I've NEVER heard that expression used that way before!! Are you sure your mother wasn't having you on...? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron14 November 2011 at 21:36

    Apparently, it faded out of use in the 50s and 60s (unsurprisingly). My grandmother still used it and the bishop was definitely familiar with it. You should have seen his face light up!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Him Up North14 November 2011 at 23:35

    Your mother better be careful not to abash the bishop...

    Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week...

    ReplyDelete
  10. A Little Light Work15 November 2011 at 19:54

    Tell them what your grandmother's house was called. Go on!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous15 November 2011 at 20:36

    Oh this is so funny! My husband love wanking.

    CJ xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kate17 November 2011 at 12:12

    Hilarious. My mother told all her friends that my sister was a slut. Apparently it means messy...

    ReplyDelete
  13. @SAHDandproud18 November 2011 at 23:05

    Isn't there an area in Germany too where the people who live near the Wankdorf are called Wankers? But I believe this is prounounced with a V. So it only looks funny when written down.
    I once met a man called Erich Wanker, he's a scientist. His PA, and this is the funny bit, was called Ms Pisch.
    I've learned now that when meeting West Country folk of a certain age I can suggest we all go for a wank. Watch their smiling faces turn to frowns as I get the old chap out... :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Menai19 November 2011 at 10:45

    My darling daughter is wondering why I am giggling helplessly with laughter. I'll explain in about 14 years...

    ReplyDelete
  15. SkatingAmsterdaMummy20 November 2011 at 00:02

    A wank a day keeps the doctor away...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Iota 7 August 2013 at 16:19

    Do you promise you didn't make this up?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Somewhere about here26 July 2018 at 12:19

    Cool! Laugh is the best in our life.

    ReplyDelete

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