I'm a celebrity...

Kateonthinice has devised a cunning new meme to expose the essence of her fellow bloggers. She has cast a handpicked dozen onto a desert island and escape is forbidden until we have completed 11 questions.


1. What one thing about being a parent makes you scream 'Get me out of here!'?

Evenings, when my Beer Moment tantalisingly approaches and the kids appear to be caterwauling the Ring Cycle while nude-wrestling in the bath.

2. What skills, if any, do you have that would be useful in the jungle?

I can lick the end of my nose. This could be handy when my sleeve runs out. I am still pretty accomplished at climbing up trees; just not so reliable at getting down them again.

3. How are you likely to annoy people if you were stuck with them for three weeks?

I shall alienate the entire company the minute I'm let loose on the cooking pots.

4. What is the worst thing you have ever eaten?

Anything cooked by myself. No, hang on  -  tongue! A huge cow's tongue on a plate with the bubbly skin still on. To please a formidable German actuary with whom I had digs as a language student.

5. What luxury item would you take into the jungle with you?

My journal and fountain pen. Life, when transcribed in blue ink, makes better sense to me.

6. What is the most daring thing you have ever done?

Parachute 3,000 ft out of a plane while strapped to the belly of a stranger. To please the same formidable German. I angled a toe wrongly upon leaping, so we somersaulted wildly over Bavaria and yet still the Englishwoman in me felt obliged to make small talk as we spun. It was less frightening than the tongue, though.

7. Who would you miss most if you went into the jungle with a bunch of strangers?

The vicar. And the children, of course, but the thought of that bath-time wrestling has unnerved me.

8. What celebrity, alive or dead, would you like to have with you in the jungle?

Doris Day, my cultural idol, would be the obvious choice, but she shares her bed with a dozen dogs and a vat of vaseline and her off-screen appetites frighten me. Dolly Parton would, therefore, be safer. She can do things with a dulcimer that you wouldn't believe and her natural assets could be a useful buoyancy aid should we try to float free of the island.

9. What would scare you about being in the jungle?

Crawling and slithering and itchy things and things with in-built body armour and eyes on wavy stalks.

10. After leaving the jungle, you go to a luxury hotel. What would be the first thing you did on reaching your hotel?

Eat peppermints.

11. Why is the person who tagged you a star?

I've never met Kateonthinice. She loves rum which I hate and hates spinach and walnut soup which I love and she flashes her breasts when she's joyful which would alarm me. But her blog shows a determined woman who has survived many battles and recorded them with poetic eloquence. It's a pretty safe bet, therefore, that she is a star.

I have now to choose new castaways and I nominate Millandboonwannabe and Sahdandproud because their culinary skills would transform the allure of a bug and larva bake. Crystal Jigsaw, Herecomethegirls, The Last Slayer and Midlifesinglemum can help them consume it.