Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Issues with Tissues

There is something magical about washing machines. You stow in Y-fronts and a knot of school uniforms and you draw forth conkers and fancy rubbers. I found a gentleman's watch last week, the same day, by coincidence, that my seven-year-old lost his. My boss found a mobile phone that had whizzed round with her woollens. Sometimes my whites emerge rainbowed with liquefied wine gums. On lucky days there'll be a clutch of coppers stiffening a gusset; on really lucky days it's a quid.

But  -  I have an issue with tissues. Like that malicious, lurking tea spoon when you've just drained the sink, there is always a tissue in the trousers. My floors are snow-flaked from my progress to the top-floor drying rack, and a confetti of white shreds floats down on the stairs when I hang up the smalls.

I am resigned to the inevitable, but I shall tweak the inevitable to my advantage. I have ditched the own-brand tissue boxes and the pretty pastel shades. I stalk Personal Hygiene in Waitrose pondering the water resistance of Kleenex and Papura. I've trialled Ultra Balm on Delicates and spun Balsam Fresh on the hot cycle. I've even discovered Tissue World Magazine and probed its online archives for chemical pointers.

Then comes a revelation. The shreds have lately turned blue and drape the family knitwear in detatchable ribbons instead of explosions of white lint. My young son, also lately, has taken to stashing wadges of blue paper hand towels from ladies' lavatories. The events, I deduce, are connected and the way ahead is clear. Out go the fancy boxes of 3-ply and in come industrial quantities of Airtex Absorbant Hygiene Rolls.

They don't look stylish on a dinner date, but ladies, they wash beautifully!

10 comments:

  1. Do they also double up as baby wipes? If so, I'm sold.

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  2. Baby wipes, table napkins, draught stoppers.. ..They are endlessly obliging. But they didn't lend themselves successfully as a Barbie doll ball gown (not like my lovely pastel 3-ply).

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  3. I want to know why you used to put tissues on dinner plates.

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  4. The more environmentally solution to this problem would be to allow the kids to wipe their runny noses on their sleeves, and to forego table napkins altogether. More radical still would be to allow the dirty laundry to pile up for a week or so, stuff the whole lot of it into an industrial-sized bin bag, then take it for a service wash on a Saturday morning.

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  5. Think tissues are put on dinner plates to distract diner from Anna's cooking!!!!!

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  6. In answer to Flossing, I do allow the dirty laundry to pile up for a week or so. Just means more tissues pile up within it. I suppose I could empty my son's pockets but small boy's trousers are not always nice to rummage around at breakfast time.

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  7. Oh noooo .... hate it when tissues dissolve in the wash then redry and stick to the insides of the pocket - takes ages to peel off.

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  8. Hi again. Just to say I've gone and tagged you in my Music Therapy post. Just had to be you after the Doris Day post!

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  9. PS Check out Mammywoo's blog for the 'Music Therapy' meme rules. Not that they're rules. It's basically just a chance to share 3 songs you love, if you want to. Apologies for the following link. It's not clickable for some bleedin reason. http://misslexywoo.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/music-as-therapy/

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  10. I HATE tissues too, I also hate those invisible socks/stocking liner thingies for shoes, but it's winter now so proper socks it is for the next 6 months...

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