Julia’s 100-word Challenge this week wants us to incorporate the words liberty, empire, apple, yellow and enormous. She has evidently been excited by a recent trip to New York. I was going to duck out, then I remembered a snippet I’d just read in the Daily Mail.
I aspire to a pear-shape, but the reality is more of a withered yellow apple. Child-bearing has killed off my crop-tops and poured me into the more accommodating contours of empire-line smocks. From behind I’m still skinny, but, front-on, strangers are apt to congratulate me on my happy event. However, today’s newspapers announce M&S’s scientific knickers which will subdue my post-natal midriff into a wasp waist. My glee is enormous. An alchemy of polyamide and elastane; panels, padding and mesh will sculpt my flesh while allowing my lungs full liberty, so, henceforth, an hourglass figure in a sheath dress will be manning the church tea urn.