The bride and bridesmaid may have been a little wobbly on their feet...there just may have been a wee bit too much dutch courage drunk before the ceremony.
The marriage got off to a bad start during the wedding service. The vicar said, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’ And she said, ‘Not now. I’ve got a headache.’
I must say that little red number is a perfect fit (was it made to measure?)but the black shoes may have been a better choice. Your open mindedness as a vicars wife is truly outstanding! I raise my glass to you.
'Bucker!' cursed my then two-year old when she got behind the wheel of her Little Tike car. 'Bucker, bucker, bucker!' I admonished her for swearing. 'I have to,' she said. 'I'm driving.' Now her language has become more decorous as she steers a Skoda across the roof of a car park and topples a bollard. And she keeps a cool that would elude me as she dodges an oncoming car and brakes just before the wall that separates us from a five-storey drop onto the Brent Cross retail park. Multi-storey car parks do not bring out the best in my character, but my 13-year-old shows signs of being superior in temperament and skill. Behind, her 11-year-old brother reverses tidily into a free parking space. Unlike me he collects no strangers' wing mirrors in the manoeuvre. I, meanwhile, am still recuperating from wrestling my own Skoda through the perils of the North Circular to get here. I had to get the Vicar to park it. The children are having their first...
I wonder sometimes what I am. I have lived the last decade on an inner city council estate, amid Oxford academia, in a remote country town and in London suburbia. In the first we were, with our relentless consonants and sagging bookshelves, regarded as aristocrats. In the second, as the 'squeezed middle'. In the third, as city sophisticates and now, sometimes, isolated in my tweed amid the Ralph Lauren and the hoodies, I feel myself a bumpkin. Class should no longer matter. Nowadays, for most of us, it's more a question of perception than birth. But the perception matters. My daughter battles to adjust speech, habits and dress to blend in with each new environment; the political parties compete to woo the amorphous throng they deem Middle England and Melvyn Bragg has started a television series on class and culture. The British, he decides, no longer define themselves by class, but by the music they listen to, the books they read. I listen to Dolly Parton and Beethoven....
Daily Mail columnist Liz Jones has provoked the ire of Twitter with by declaring that mummy bloggers are blinkered dimwits whose lives are spiced by Napisan. I'm afraid I have to sympathise with her, for all of her prejudices echo my own: Writing about my life has pretty much ruined it. Supper last night was an elderly carrot glued to the fridge shelf by a pool of brown mucus and the floor was flooded when I left the bath taps running because Blogger has diverted me from domestic essentials. I've had to shut the children in front of the television when a new post has assailed me and some family members no longer speak to me because Twitter interactions leave me no time to reach the telephone. But there is a big part of me that thinks writing should be hard: you should cringe whenever you press that 'publish' button. Artists – and I'm sorry, I do consider myself an artist – have to wrench the dirtiest, most disgusting part of their inner soul and show it t...
The new 80's inspired dress collection had its unveiling today!
ReplyDeleteMum we found this strange collection in your wardrobe.
ReplyDeleteThe bride and bridesmaid may have been a little wobbly on their feet...there just may have been a wee bit too much dutch courage drunk before the ceremony.
ReplyDeleteMother! What's the speed dial number for Gok - we *may* need a bit of a hand!
ReplyDeleteHurry up or we will miss the gypsy bus to take us to Appleby Fair.....
ReplyDeleteGoing to the chapel and we're gonna get married....
ReplyDeletethese two were going straight to the top of the list for the new Ab Fab auditions
ReplyDeleteHitting the top of all the 'what's hot' bridal wear lists this week is this fabulous fusion of flamenco and floral print. Hair by Shirley Temple.
ReplyDeleteThe new bridal selection was inspired.
ReplyDelete'Why am I always the bridesmaid?'
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure my shoes go with this dress, but apart from that, we look perfect!
ReplyDeleteRight, where's the lucky fella?
ReplyDeleteThe latest VB collection has spread over from NY already!
ReplyDeleteSmall Thin Gypsy Wedding, Channel 5, Weds, 9pm
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe vicar needed a double shot of whiskey when he saw the next bride and groom he had to splice.
ReplyDeleteWilliam: "Isn't this more Uncle Edward's type of suit?"
ReplyDeleteKate: "Shut up and get on with it."
Don't do it! Years or bitterness and hideous recriminations to come.
ReplyDeleteToo much?
Time to start locking the Vicarage's lost property box.
ReplyDeleteMummy, we said we wanted to dress up as the Zingzillas, not Bridezillas!
ReplyDeleteWanted: one groom. Love of 80's fashion preferred.
ReplyDeleteThe marriage got off to a bad start during the wedding service. The vicar said, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’ And she said, ‘Not now. I’ve got a headache.’
ReplyDeleteI must say that little red number is a perfect fit (was it made to measure?)but the black shoes may have been a better choice. Your open mindedness as a vicars wife is truly outstanding! I raise my glass to you.
ReplyDelete