The bride and bridesmaid may have been a little wobbly on their feet...there just may have been a wee bit too much dutch courage drunk before the ceremony.
The marriage got off to a bad start during the wedding service. The vicar said, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’ And she said, ‘Not now. I’ve got a headache.’
I must say that little red number is a perfect fit (was it made to measure?)but the black shoes may have been a better choice. Your open mindedness as a vicars wife is truly outstanding! I raise my glass to you.
Recently a BBC researcher contacted me and asked if the family would be willing to be filmed for a series on vicarage life. Obviously, narcissism urged me to say yes. I could be the next Amy Childs, only in an M&S cardie. The church teas on Fridays would be seething with fans wanting to bond with the Vicar over a Jammy Dodger. And watching the episodes would keep me going through the suspenseful wait for the next series of Rev . Indeed, said the researcher, a real-life Rev is what they are after. A heart-warming, fun-filled glimpse into family life in a vicarage to follow Songs of Praise . It was at that point I knew we had to say no. Any fly-on-the-wall portrait of our vicarage life would have to be shown after the 9pm watershed to protect the nation's children. I myself would find it hard to stomach: Graphic footage of me wrestling my chin bristles with deadly steel weaponry in the bathroom and, sheathed in rubber, delving for the plastic Smurf someone's dropped down
'Bucker!' cursed my then two-year old when she got behind the wheel of her Little Tike car. 'Bucker, bucker, bucker!' I admonished her for swearing. 'I have to,' she said. 'I'm driving.' Now her language has become more decorous as she steers a Skoda across the roof of a car park and topples a bollard. And she keeps a cool that would elude me as she dodges an oncoming car and brakes just before the wall that separates us from a five-storey drop onto the Brent Cross retail park. Multi-storey car parks do not bring out the best in my character, but my 13-year-old shows signs of being superior in temperament and skill. Behind, her 11-year-old brother reverses tidily into a free parking space. Unlike me he collects no strangers' wing mirrors in the manoeuvre. I, meanwhile, am still recuperating from wrestling my own Skoda through the perils of the North Circular to get here. I had to get the Vicar to park it. The children are having their first
I have ordered a new pair of wellies from Amazon for the daily walk to school. My current hardly-at-all-old pair has developed a fissure along one toe. I only noticed this when I was wading along the stream that flows brownly past bobbing Argos bags en route to the afternoon pick up, and I was not pleased. They are a glamorous pair with pink spots and white swirls, bought to ease my daughter's pain in ackowledging a wellie-wearing, stream-paddling mother in public. I now distrust wellies with spots and swirls, so order a safe-looking green pair. Better to be waterproof than glamorous. Royal Mail gets them as far as my door, thrusts through a 'Sorry you were out' card, and promptly loses them. Amazon is sympathetic and dispatches a replacement pair. This also makes it to my door and again a card is left. This time I decide to pick them up in person from the Royal Mail depot. The man behind the glass screen makes off with my delivery card and probably has a cup of tea and
The new 80's inspired dress collection had its unveiling today!
ReplyDeleteMum we found this strange collection in your wardrobe.
ReplyDeleteThe bride and bridesmaid may have been a little wobbly on their feet...there just may have been a wee bit too much dutch courage drunk before the ceremony.
ReplyDeleteMother! What's the speed dial number for Gok - we *may* need a bit of a hand!
ReplyDeleteHurry up or we will miss the gypsy bus to take us to Appleby Fair.....
ReplyDeleteGoing to the chapel and we're gonna get married....
ReplyDeletethese two were going straight to the top of the list for the new Ab Fab auditions
ReplyDeleteHitting the top of all the 'what's hot' bridal wear lists this week is this fabulous fusion of flamenco and floral print. Hair by Shirley Temple.
ReplyDeleteThe new bridal selection was inspired.
ReplyDelete'Why am I always the bridesmaid?'
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure my shoes go with this dress, but apart from that, we look perfect!
ReplyDeleteRight, where's the lucky fella?
ReplyDeleteThe latest VB collection has spread over from NY already!
ReplyDeleteSmall Thin Gypsy Wedding, Channel 5, Weds, 9pm
ReplyDeleteGrrrr! That's exactly what I was going to say! I thought I was being really original!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe vicar needed a double shot of whiskey when he saw the next bride and groom he had to splice.
ReplyDeleteWilliam: "Isn't this more Uncle Edward's type of suit?"
ReplyDeleteKate: "Shut up and get on with it."
Don't do it! Years or bitterness and hideous recriminations to come.
ReplyDeleteToo much?
Time to start locking the Vicarage's lost property box.
ReplyDeleteMummy, we said we wanted to dress up as the Zingzillas, not Bridezillas!
ReplyDeleteWanted: one groom. Love of 80's fashion preferred.
ReplyDeleteThe marriage got off to a bad start during the wedding service. The vicar said, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’ And she said, ‘Not now. I’ve got a headache.’
ReplyDeleteI must say that little red number is a perfect fit (was it made to measure?)but the black shoes may have been a better choice. Your open mindedness as a vicars wife is truly outstanding! I raise my glass to you.
ReplyDelete