Sunday, 27 May 2012

The Bottom Line

The lament reverberates up the stairs.  In the kitchen crouches our tabby, mewling. Frisbee never mewls.  He bypasses a brimming bowl of tuna. Frisbee never declines food. Evidently he is a cat in Darkest Misery. Then he cocks his leg for a cleansing and I glimpse a purpled puckered wound beneath his tail.

It is Sunday. I ring the RSPCA rescue centre, which rehomed him, and they advise the out-of-hours animal hospital. I ring the out-of-hours animal hospital and they advise that I speak to a consultant. I speak to a consultant and she fears a fox attack, an exploded abscess and a disabling infection and she urges us to hurry him in immediately.

And so I drive 12 miles to the hospital and pay £33 for an assessment and wait one hour for the consultant. And the consultant examines the alarmed cat’s undercarriage and pronounces her diagnosis: the ‘wound’ I glimpsed was his bottom!



23 comments:

  1. And you know those creases your kids have at the tops of their legs? Those are bottoms too.

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    1. I learnt THAT a couple of years ago! And generally I am familiar with cats bottoms but this one, glimpsed at an odd angle and being an odd colour momentarily confounded me.

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  2. Oh no! Well better to be safe than sorry and to err on the side of caution. I saw that you tweeted this on the day it happened. Is he still off his food or is everything okay again?

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    1. Oh, thank you. He's been fine ever since. I think he was only off his food for five minutes but we were so sure something was wrong we seized on the first visible symptom.

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  3. *snort* Reminds me of Spitting Image sketch where the Queen says, "I don't have a bottom, I'm the Queen."

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  4. Oh and, btw, that raw pink 'wound' in the middle of his face is not where he's been bitten by a badger or got his face trapped in the cat flap - it's his nose.

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    1. Thanks for that. The only consolation for the expense and the humiliation are the jokes we've contrived about Frisbee's next symptoms. Having said that I'm very worried about the two little furry lumps near that purple wound!

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  5. Thanks for that. You made me laugh.

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  6. I am impressed with your cat owning skills - your lack of bottom awareness suggests Frisbee has kept it hidden. How have you managed to own a cat for any time at all without waking up to a cats bottom in your face?

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  7. I have had the frequent pleasure of viewing his behind, only this time, glimpsed at an odd angle and having been vigorously licked, it seemed to have relocated and become very purple.

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  8. Pets are like another child aren't they? You always worry about them. Did the Vet manage to keep a straight face as he/she told you what it was? :)

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    1. The vet was a marvel. She kidded me that his bottom was very red and could possibly signal illness and decline and she sold me a £7 plastic collar to stop him grooming himself with such damaging gusto. Bet she'll dine out on me for years!

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  9. I sympathise with Frisbee. If I caught sight of my bottom before food, I too would have to decline.

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    1. That's a fair point. Or rather, I mean if I saw my bottom I'd be put off; I'm sure your bottom's lovely -that is to say, I don't mean...oh heck!

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  10. Replies
    1. Thank you. I hope you aren't too much in need of cheering!

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  11. Found your post via twitter. I had to laugh as it reminded me of the time I was convinced my cat had broken her paw; what I thought was bone sticking through the skin was a tick:/

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    1. Well, thanks for sharing your embarrassment to cheer me up. But your confusion was much more understandable!

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  12. ......and I thought I had problems! I love you. X

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