Monday, 14 May 2012

Scientific Knickers

Julia’s 100-word Challenge this week wants us to incorporate the words liberty, empire, apple, yellow and enormous. She has evidently been excited by a recent trip to New York. I was going to duck out, then I remembered a snippet I’d just read in the Daily Mail.


I aspire to a pear-shape, but the reality is more of a withered yellow apple. Child-bearing has killed off my crop-tops and poured me into the more accommodating contours of empire-line smocks. From behind I’m still skinny, but, front-on, strangers are apt to congratulate me on my happy event. However, today’s newspapers announce M&S’s scientific knickers which will subdue my post-natal midriff into a wasp waist. My glee is enormous. An alchemy of polyamide and elastane; panels, padding and mesh will sculpt my flesh while allowing my lungs full liberty, so, henceforth, an hourglass figure in a sheath dress will be manning the church tea urn. 


40 comments:

  1. G Sussex
    Nicely crafted and seamless linkage between the set words!

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  2. Fabulous. I love how you have used the prompt words in such different ways - and I can definitely relate to that cursed apple-shape!

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  3. You're right, your submission and mine are eerily similar. I wonder what that says about us. Loved yours. Love the knickers even more. :)

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  4. Wonderful! Love the use of empire - very clever! Are M&S really selling scientific knickers? Well, if so, I'm a very happy madam indeed!

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    1. Yep, they're called Waist Sculpt, or something. They're like a flexible, non-asphyxiating corset.

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  5. Excellent entry! I think many women will concur with this!

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    1. I fear they will. But never thought I'd be one of them!

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  6. I am a pear, don't to be an apple, would rather be a runner bean (with a couple of exceptions!) Loved it.

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    1. Pears are good. I'm actually more of a runner bean with a bulge in the middle, but annoyingly runner bean wasn't in the allowable words.

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  7. Smiling while reading. However, recent pictures on your blog show you to be far foxier than the words do. x

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    1. Like I say, I'm scrawny overall, but my Mr Whippy ripples make my Size 8 dresses bulge unexpectedly. I suppose I'm more like a string bean with an extra-large , somewhat flaccid bean in the middle.

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  8. I'm assuming they could come in leopard print?

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  9. You did a wonderful job of fitting in the required words and making it all flow smoothly!

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    1. Thank you, They flowed effortlessly for once. Kickers evidently get me going!

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  10. I liked the flow of this, too. And those knickers sound great! To actually be able to breathe while wearing them ...

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  11. Very clever. I've never though about the connection between NYC and M&S knickers before. Can't think why it never occured to me.

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    1. Whenever I see the Statue of Liberty I imagine her in a pair of thermal hip huggers!

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  12. Would be wonderful to have a pair of those knickers. Loved this!

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    1. Thank you. Trouble is if we all get a pair my hourglass figure will be lost in the crowd!

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  13. That is great! Who has not longed for such a turnaround for our bodies? :D Too bad it's fiction, eh?

    You capture very well the ambivalence of a mother whose body has suffered through children. Not anger or sadness...just a bit of prickly frustration when it comes to fashion.

    Nicely done!

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  14. It had better not be a fiction! The Daily Mail promised I could look like someone or other in Mad Men http://bit.ly/Jy6ZHL.

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  15. You are hilarious! I am so with you on the shape and the resignation...nicely done!

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    1. Thank you. Am off into town in a sec and wondered, if I bought these knickers, whether I could justify a Swiss Finger as well. Just to test their mettle!

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  16. This was funny, and how I can relate. :)

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    1. We strangers are all bound together by our flab!

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  17. DancingInTheRain20 May 2012 at 23:55

    Great - loved it. I've always been pear and have suddenly turned apple so could really relate. And, believe it or not, only last month had no choice but to buy scientific knickers (spanx - sp?)from Saks - but only 'cos I couldn't get to M&S. Btw, I used the empire-line prompt too. Well done!

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    1. That makes at least three of us who did. I'll take a look.

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