One of the ladies of the choir sidles up to me after the Sunday service. She looks furtive. From her handbag she draws a pink carboard box which I hope might have chocolates in. Behind plastic lid nestles a pair of black diamante-studded nipple tassles.
I carry a burdensome assortment of essentials in my handbag, but the addition of nipple tassles has never crossed my mind. The Lady from the Choir explains that they were a long-ago gift and have never had an airing. She wonders if they would come in handy for the next Saturday Caption picture on my blog.
I am grateful but I am uncertain. I believe in undergarments that are fulsome, frill-less and thermal. Behind me is the stern and elderly lay reader. I'm certain that she too believes in undergarments that are fulsome, frill-less and thermal.
And suddenly I cannot resist it. I make my way over and proffer the box. 'Have you any idea,' I ask, 'how one sticks these on?'
The lay reader settles her glasses and peers. 'What are they?' she demands and I explain. She frowns at the box then hauls herself upright on her stick. She glares at me with a mouth that slightly twitches. 'I wouldn't know,' she quips. 'I have a different kind at home!'