Oldersinglemum, having revealed her inner being on her blog, desires to know seven of my secrets in order to earn a 'Tell Me About Yourself; Your Blog is Great Award'. And Motherventing, Sahdandproud and Random Pearls of Wisdom have tagged me to do something called 7 x 7 which also requires seven secrets plus seven blog posts that I have particularly admired. I definitely do not have enough secrets to go round all of them. Most of my secrets are secret for good reason. I am, however, prepared to disclose the following, provided that they go no further than the worldwide web:
1: I once did a bodyguard training course which obliged me to carry my large male trainer over my dwarfish shoulder and to be carried down a riverbed over the shoulders of eight different men. They said if I hadn't been there they would have used a log.
2: I am writing alternating paragraphs of a spoof Mills & Boon bodice-ripper online with my brother and am in terror of penning the inevitable romantic, er, climax.
3: I am evangelical about gin picnics. Instructions: pour gin and tonic into child's school water bottle and purloin two plastic Winnie the Pooh beakers from the kiddie cupboard. Lay in olives or Pringles according to taste and budget. Invite a friend (optional). Haul to the nearest open land, the higher the altitude the better. Consume. Allow extra time and caution for the return journey.
4: I once stuck...no, that one had best remain a secret.
5: I have perfected a strategy for removing a thermal vest on the top deck of a bus without many other passengers noticing.
6: I have never recovered from the thing that my late grandmother once told me about donkeys.
7: I hate fudge
And here are seven blog posts that I really wish I'd written myself:
The Joy of Bad Sex Guides by Maidinyorkshire
I Am Doing Nothing by Northernmum
Por-No by The Male Nanny
Bells by HimupNorth
Flames by Snooandme
How I Love a Good Valeting by Flossingthecat
Accidental Parenting: Naked Beans Night by Morethanjustamother
If any of them wish to take up the baton I'd be pruriently interested. If not, I don't in the least blame them.