Artistic Sensibility

We are in a small gallery devoted to an artist I have never heard of. Gazing from the walls are rows of voluptuously lipped pre-Raphaelite women united by a common problem: keeping their robes decorously in place. I am resigned to the will of our host and embark on a dutiful examination of the brushstrokes. The children are less resigned and demand to know when we are leaving.

Then, while I am studying a damsel whose curves are inadequate mooring for her gown, I realise I can no longer hear my brood. Hastily I glance round. They are moving slowly from picture to picture gazing raptly at each. They even seem to be making notes. 'They're doing well,' beams an elderly room warden. 'So nice to see children enjoying art.'

I beam back, torn between pride and perplexity. I start to hope that our occasional dashes to the National Gallery to use the loos on London shopping trips have instilled in my twosome a sense of artistic integrity. I decide to replace our desiccated poster paints and to find fun facts on Van Gogh on Wikipedia.

As the children approach, revitalised by culture, another elderly attendant approaches. She too has been watching them benignly. 'So what did you get out of your visit?' she asks. 'Bosoms!' shouts the eight-year-old rapturously. 'We've been counting all the bare bosoms and I won 'cos I got 52!'

Comments

  1. Unknown11 April 2013 at 11:34

    See how good they are at maths!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron11 April 2013 at 16:48

      I'm not so sure. They strenuously disagreed over whether it was 52 or 46.

      Delete
  2. Jay11 April 2013 at 13:04

    Brilliant! At least they studied the pictures!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Iota 11 April 2013 at 17:01

    Obviously they have a healthy, uninhibited approach to the human body. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AlwaysARedhead11 April 2013 at 20:54

    I love it! They were quiet and well-behaved, regardless that they were counting bare bosoms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron11 April 2013 at 21:29

      Well, they weren't actually. They'd started playing hide and seek among rare sculptures and got sent upstairs by a curator!

      Delete
  5. Molly11 April 2013 at 20:59

    52 bosoms?! That is a lot of cleavage! At least they focused on the paintings and not the women in the room...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron11 April 2013 at 21:29

      I suppose that's a blessing I should consider! I don't think my son's tallies are wholly reliable, though.

      Delete
  6. Older Mum12 April 2013 at 12:09

    Well there maths skillz are good at least.... er and accurate knowledge of human anatomy - love the national gallery is your stop off point for the bog - a very cultured ablution. This like made me smile 'whose curves are inadequate mooring for her gown'.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Older Single Mum12 April 2013 at 13:36

    I was really hoping it would be something so child-like. And you children never disappoint. Brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bibsey Mama17 April 2013 at 14:03

    My goodness is all the comment spam for real?! Honestly, can't a girl write the word bosoms in a blog post without attracting the wrong sort?

    So true, that your kids never disappoint. Their response was as ever appropriately inappropriate.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Fool23 April 2013 at 21:17

    Where is this gallery exactly... ;)
    When we were in Italy we tried to take a shortcut around a gallery and got ushered back by the guard and forced to look at all the paintings

    ReplyDelete
  10. Adventures of a Middle-aged Matron23 April 2013 at 22:13

    That happened to me when we were trying to evacuate a screaming toddler from a National Trust house! It's the watts Gallery in Compton, Surrey!

    ReplyDelete

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