Thursday, 25 October 2012

Braced for a Bishop

The Bishop, announces the Vicar, is coming to lunch next Sunday.
I am worried. Sunday lunch is always chipolatas and cornettos in our vicarage and this may not be suitably episcopal. What, I wonder, do bishops like to eat? 'Bread and wine!' retorts my scornful 10-year-old.

The Vicar is worried. He too fears that his Sunday morning schedule will expose the Bishop to chipolatas. Even more, he fears that I might Rise to the Occasion and ruin his social standing with my attempts at proper cooking.

The 10-year-old is worried. She suspects that small talk with a purple-frocked prelate, if word gets out, would be deemed an uncool weekend leisure activity by her school peers. And she knows that she might not get her Cornetto.

The 7-year-old is, however, serene. His talent for ingratiation should one day earn him a job in the Foreign Office. If his sister is in disgrace he'll curry favour with his father by voicing a religious vocation. If she rejects her dinner-time peas he'll fake wild joy in his greens. Now he senses an opportunity.

The 10-year-old has decided on rebellion. 'I'm going to wear my chavviest clothes!' she announces.
Quick as a flash her brother moves in. 'And I,' he lisps, 'am going to make sure I bring a Bible!'

PS What fail-safe, easy-cook meal can one feed a Bishop?


21 comments:

  1. I'd go for a stew or equivalent. Spag bol, beef stew with baked potatoes, chilli and rice. Make it the day before and it'll taste even better.

    Hope it all goes well. :)

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    1. Thanks. We did consider shepherds pie but the children have Potato Terror!

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  2. Am amazed at the social sensitivities of your two children.

    I remember you as culinarily challenged.

    So my suggesstion was a casseroole which the Vicar could make the day before.

    Even sausage caserolle, which can be renamed cassoulet if he wants. It is v popular in this house and the children even help make it.

    Or a chilli, served with a trio of dips, tortilla chips and added tabasco for the brave.

    Both these come with rice as we also have one who is afraid of potatoes.

    Then cornettos in the garden for those who have had enough of bishops, and posh ice vcream inside for those who have not....

    Whereas I am spelling challenged and cannot spell casserolllle

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  3. I think Good Shepherd pie is an excellent idea, with some Cathedral City grated on top. But it Mitre-n out awkward if the kids reject the mash. I should wait and See what sort of weather it is — it might be C(r)ozier to have tea by the fire.

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    1. Very funny suggestions... A Little Light Work.

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  4. Stick a chicken in the oven, you can put some chipolatas around it (or stuff them inside the chicken). Also put some par-boiled potatoes around the chicken to roast. Serve with peas or broccoli or any green of your choice and a green salad on the side. If you want to be fancy make ratatouille. Have a bag of crisps (decanted into a nice bowl of course) if you think the children won't eat the potatoes.
    For dessert buy a fancy cake, make a fruit salad and serve a fancy ice-cream. Or make a crumble - easy, warm and filling.

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    1. Oh, crumbles I can do! Do you fancy popping over on the next plane to help with the rest.

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  5. A roast, with potatoes and carrots in a slow cooker. This is no fail and tastes delicious. For dessert a nice apple pie or apple crisp, again apple crisp is easy and no fail.

    I'm sure you will do fine on whatever you decide.

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    1. I love the sound of apple crisp. But what is it? And the slow cooker - yes, I know we have one somewhere!

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  6. That's a tough call. I'm in the stew camp, prepare it the day before and then you at least know whether it is edible or not! How about beef goulash served with rice? Avoids the potato issue and you can even cook the rice the day before too and then just heat it up in the microwave or so I am told...yet to try it so don't take my word for it!

    And if it turns out pear-shaped regardless of your best efforts you could always just serve your lovely crumble and announce that you always fast the main course on Sundays ;)

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    1. I'm much obliged. You were born to be a vicar's wife!

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  7. Shepherds or cottage pie with peas, carrots and cabbage. Maybe a quick trifle for pudding! Simple , wholesome and can be made beforehand! :-)

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  8. How come I am alone in my culinary incompetence?! I think I can make trifle but cabbage would provoke an ungodly reaction in the Vicar.

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  9. Brilliant - "I'll being a Bible!" What a delightful balancing duo. Roast chicken and apple crumble perhaps?

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    1. Yes, I think chicken and apple crumble wins the day. Thank you.

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  10. Do you know that joke?

    The bishop is having Sunday lunch with the vicar's family. The vicar's wife asks her son to set the table. He does so (impressing the bishop, of course, with his helpfulness), but the table is one place-setting short. The vicar's wife laughs "Johnny, you've missed out the bishop! Why haven't you given him any cutlery?" Little Johnny replies "I didn't think he needed any. You said yesterday that he always eats like a horse."

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    1. That joke makes me realise I got off pretty lightly (especially as the bishop cried off at the last minute!)

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    2. Huh, bishops! Can't rely on 'em.

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