Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Sin City

The rain turned the road into a river. It bullied the trees and slashed through the glow of the sodium lights. And, by the score, they crept through the wet, confident that all witnesses were abed.

I, returning from my annual night out, watched disgusted. The city was slimed with lascivious activity. On every street corner they were, in couples. Slick bodies pulsing. I stepped over them as best I could, averting my gaze from their urgency.

Tomorrow I shall write to my MP. Climate change will put an end to the winter fuel allowance. Instead every righteous household should receive a summer allowance.

Of slug pellets.




Julia's latest 100 Word Challenge requires us to add a hundred words to the line The rain turned the road into a river. Which isn't really a challenge at all, since I can't remember a time when our roads weren't a river, or when my children's innocence was put so much at risk...!

35 comments:

  1. I think you'll like this by a blogger in France http://www.turquoisemoon.co.uk/blog/snails-to-eat/

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    1. Oh dear me no! I couldn't ever view them digestively!

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  2. Oh brilliant! That was so clever. How many can you fell with your pick axe. They're everywhere at the moment aren't they? I think this piece is another one for 50 shades of parenthood.

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    1. Annoyingly, I didn't take my pick axe out with me that night.

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  3. Oh my what a creepy pic! Fab writing though x

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  4. Where do they come from? We have a roof terrace and our potted potato plants are infested with them. We counted 20 last night. Can they fly? Are they dropped by birds? Do they come with the soil? Are they intrepid climbers who can smell a potato plant 30 foot up? I'm baffled.

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    1. Extraordinary. I think they fall from clouds, we have to many. I've always wondered how the water snails that colonise my new pond got to hear of it and made their way there. There's no other water for miles around.

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  5. I trod on at least 6 putting the bins out last night. Luckily I was wearing my wife's shoes.

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    1. At least, if they were as preoccupied as the ones I saw, they died in bliss.

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  6. I must admit I stared at the picture for way longer than was absolutely necessary. I was fascinated by it. Obvioulsy getting in touch with my inner naughty schoolboy.

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  7. Very topical when there are so many of the blinking beasties this year! Great, you make me laugh :-)

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  8. My son will love this. He is obsessed with snails!

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    1. I don't think children should be exposed to such louche goings on!

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  9. God I loathe when we step on those buggers! The crunch is sickening. I really did not want to see them procreating!

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    1. At least it shows you they have some pleasure in life before you squash it out of them!

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  10. I like how the language of days past, and the way you structured this, made me picture something else entirely before you smoothly revealed your real subject. Being in the US and slug-free much of the time (this year I've seen none at all) I would never have guessed.

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  11. Love this. Didn't see it coming. I love your choice of words "It bullied the trees and slashed . . . " BRILLIANT!

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  12. Wonderfully vivid word choices, and an equally vividly drawn (and funny!) narrator. I can hear her rapid, sharp voice.

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    1. That narrator is me! The occasion was last Friday!!

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  13. I have to say your piece was starting to make me blush a bit. Thought it was going to get an R rating. I'm not sure though if the end was better or worse! Slugs, ewww!

    Nice work!

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    1. I tell you, they made me blush when I was picking my way over them last week. Disgraceful behaviour!

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  14. Lol. I didn't see the last line and photo on the screen, and was totally flummoxed. Love it.

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  15. I can feel the sense of raw disgust. Nicely done!

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  16. I can feel the sense of raw disgust. Nicely done!

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  17. Very descriptive and colorful. Good work!

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  18. Well written. Esp the last dry sentence. Can appreciate your loathing! And they eat your vegetables!

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    1. They've chomped their way through my entire school veg plot. I grudge them their nocturnal pleasuring!

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