Sunday, 16 June 2013

Father's Day

It is the family service. For once the eight-year-old goes unprotestingly to Sunday School so I can sit in my pew with dignity unimpeded by a small boy building himself a bust out of rolled-up service sheets or rehearsing Gangnam-style manoeuvres in the nave.

The Vicar, majestic in vestments, preaches of love, faith and hopefulness and I watch the faces of the faithful raptly absorbing his wisdom. I wonder, not for the first time, how it must feel to be a revered father-figure to such a throng and, furtively, I suppress a length of loo roll trailing from my sleeve so as to look worthy of him.

The Sunday School troops back into church. The children are clutching glittered cards for Father's Day. The Vicar, all dignified benevolence, invites them to read out their tributes and, to my surprise, the eight-year-old, ordinarily silenced by an audience, is first up to the microphone. I beam proudly as he regards his daddy and musters his courage. 'My Dad,' he begins, 'is very lazy and greedy. He has about five naps a day and he snores like a lion's roar. He is scared of his own sneezes which are like a hurricane and when you tickle him he screams like a monster.'

There is a short silence. The old ladies in the opposite pews are studying the Vicar with what I fear are new eyes. Briefly their vestmented Father is exposed as a mere daddy. Then he smiles beatifically and commences the blessing and I duck hastily into an attitude of extreme prayerfulness as our son slides onto the pew alongside me. 'You're always telling me to be speak up in church,' he whispers, 'so are you proud of me?'

18 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. There are too many of those in church with my kids!

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  2. Brilliant! That made me chuckle very loudly indeed. Bet you are secretly proud of him, though? :)

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    1. I'm prouder of the Vicar for the graceful humour with which he received his tribute!

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  3. It's possible, although I have actually only had it happen with black. It could be that the cyan toner cartridge is defective, it might be tight.

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  4. Your son made me laugh out loud.

    And yes, I think it must be the cyan toner cartridge.

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    Replies
    1. Serves me right for skimping on my stationery supplies!

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  5. Absolutely brilliant! I don't know what else to say :o). X.

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  6. Hahaha, that is a brilliant tribute, funny, yet warm! And what a lovely Daddy he is to take it in good grace too!

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    1. I dont know about the tribute, but he sure is a lovely daddy!

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  7. So funny, sneezes like a hurricane? So glad you are able to document moments like that, and hope the defective toner cartridge gets sorted soon!!

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  8. Excellent! This post cheered me up, as husband managed to catch chicken pox (yes really, at the age of 41), and therefore all father's day celebrations were replaced with painting a large red cross on the front door.
    I bet you could have added a few choice comments of your own!
    (anon rach)

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    Replies
    1. Oh poor him. And even poorer you. My sympathies to you both.

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