Friday, 13 April 2012

The Voice Within

The latest torment devised to force bloggers to humiliate themselves requires us to disclose ten things that we say to ourselves every day. Random Pearls of Wisdom is the kindly culprit in my case.  It was hard to narrow it down for I mutter to myself all day long and, although much of it is certainly random, none of it, unlike my tormentor, contains either pearls or wisdom. Below, however, is the verbal framework, that supports me through the daily grind.

Sock it to me, junior! I emit this upon awakening and rearing bolt upright on my pillows each morning. It makes the coming day seem more malleable, but the Vicar, for some reason, dislikes the habit and asks, mildly, if I could devise a different salute to the dawn.

Let’s get this show on the road! Another ritual motivator, usually uttered while still prone in bed, and which also seems to exasperate the Vicar.

HatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyself! This I mutter at intervals throughout the day when I realise that I’ve confused the lay reader’s infected bunion with the verger’s irritable bowel/forgotten to pack the school lunch bags/dispatched a sultry email intended for the Vicar to the Guardian’s editorial assistant by mistake.

There must be a middle way. My daily response to life’s conundrums, from disentangling the Sunday School rota to George Osborne’s fiscal daring.

I’ve just got to send a quick work email. Cunning child-proof code for ‘Clear off while I surrender to an urge to idle on Twitter/Blogger’.

In a minute… Invaluable catch-all phrase which permits me to extend said Twitter and Blogger idling for half an hour instead of cooking supper/checking homework/mediating infant brawls.

A bit of a rest should sort it out. My scientific solution to all domestic hiccups, be it an obstreperous child or a recalcitrant ink-jet printer.

It’s good for you! My irrestistible argument,  whether it’s to compel my son to choose bran flakes, my daughter to walk to school, or the Vicar to forsake his Lenten alcohol fast.

This is nice! breathed in marvelment by me to the Vicar and by the Vicar to me as we settle of an evening under our sofa rugs with Gardener’s World (me) and an erudite theolological exposition (him), as though the indulgence is a rarity instead of a nightly routine.

I’ve run out of phrases but my daughter remarked recently that I’m always using the words pond, obtuse, bugger and Wyche Cutting.

Now your turn. What do you say every day Melksham Mum, AlwaysARedhead, Reluctant Housedad? And, anyone else reading this, what do YOU say?

29 comments:

  1. Oh Goodness. I'm going to be so much more aware of those daily mutterings now! Quite liked the blissful ignorance!

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    1. Yes, it's a little dismaying to tune in to oneself!

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  2. I'm vaguely aware of my daily catchphrases but I think I try to sweep them out of my mind, less I realise I've turned into my mum. I'm just not sure I can cope with this realisation.

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    1. I never generally realise mine until an exasperated relative points them out.

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  3. Sock it to me, junior!!!! As the proverbial, er, actress said to the, er, bishop! Wrong professions and faith, but the drift's there. I love this meme - totally inspired. My inner voice is currently saying: Do it, do it, sock it to 'em, senior.

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    1. That phrase could almost certainly justify a divorce petition. Can't think where I got it from or why, the more the Vicar detests it, the more I feel compelled to use it!

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  4. Well done Mrs, if you make a sentence with the order 2, 8, 1, 6, 7, 10 it puts things in a completely different light ;-)

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  5. It can't be morning already

    Why on earth did I drink wine on a school night

    Will you stop arguing!

    How did the ironing basket get so full

    Eat your dinner

    Good night God Bless

    Is it wine time yet


    xx

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    1. Yep, I'm with you on most of those bar the wine ones and the ironing basket. Don't possess one of those.

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  6. It's wonderful to have a daily 'this is nice' moment. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. 'Anyone would think I was some sort of skivvy'

    'Well, someone's got to do it' (when being moaned at for hoovering or dusting or making beds)

    'Aaaaaah' (every time I sit down)

    'Ooooof' (every time I stand up)

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    1. Oh dear, you've made me realise I emit the last two!

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  8. Loved the 'this is nice' and your calls to action at the start of the day. Mine would be BUGGER, BLOODY HELL, and OH CRAP. A simple repetoire.

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  9. 'Has it dropped off? No? Well, you're fine, then.'

    'Don't tell tales.'

    'Six of one, half a dozen of the other.'

    'No, you can't spend all day on the computer'.

    'I don't want to go to Tesco either, but I have no choice unless we all want to starve.'

    'When I was your age... [insert pious phrase here]'


    I laughed at the 'quick work email', and 'it's good for you' (and at aaaaaah and oooof, Mr Mills&Boon, as I say them all too frequently).

    But I'm poleaxed by 'this is nice'. I am doing something wrong. Evenings consist of piano, bassoon, and son in bed at about the same time as me. Where did my Location, Location time go???

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    1. Clearly you need to be schooled more strictly in the importance of child neglect. Mine are in bed by 8pm on the dot because I'm weary of them by then.

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    2. Huh. Try having a cathedral chorister in the family! They don't get home from school until 7.30 post Evensong...

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  10. I had never heard of the word 'obstreperous' before reading this.

    I don't think I have ever used the word 'obtuse' out loud either; only on Internet forums.

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    1. They're both very satisfying words to roll off the tongue and terrify toddlers with. I like to use my ire to extend their vocabulary!

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  11. Mine may involve a few choice words as I tend to swear to myself quite a lot. Oops x

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    1. I didn't include the words I emit behind the steering wheel!

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  12. This made me laugh! I think my most over-used saying would have to be "but you ate this last week...", followed closely by "sit down whilst you are eating." I'm hoping the 3 and 5 year old will learn to sit nicely and eat soon.
    The other one I remember from my childhood and am using more and more often (to the utter incredulity of the child still inside me!) is "if you haven't anything nice to say don't say anything at all!"

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    1. I'm only just realised how badly I've managed table manners in my pair. And, because I'm a lousy cook, they eat more or less the same thing - houmous/pasta/fishfingers every day.

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  13. I wonder what it is about the word pond? I'm always using it as well.

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    1. Are you! We are both, like the best ponds, unfathomable!

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  14. *high fives you for use of word 'obstreperous'*

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    1. Well, thanks. It's an achievement I took rather for granted!

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